i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
