Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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