i can't believe i had my finger in that
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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