Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
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He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
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I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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