Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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