i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
