If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
