If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
