Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
