Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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