Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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