I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
