Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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