Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I supernannyed him into submission
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
