Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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