You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We need a shit load of segways right now
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
