True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
