Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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