I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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