Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
