i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
