she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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