So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
