Porn is love you can see.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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