Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
