I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
