she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
