I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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