I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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