Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
