the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
