It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Mom said you looked used
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
