I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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