Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
