I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
