Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
