Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My penis needs a shock collar
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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