i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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