i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
