There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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