508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
