I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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