took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
