Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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