I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
