you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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