i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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