i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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