Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
we're so committed to being not committed
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
