a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
