Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
