Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
