i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize