He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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