hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
