You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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