You made me cry and you don't even care
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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