dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
