she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
