Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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