I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
