Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
