p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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