I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This toilet bowl is my home.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
