you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
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My penis needs a shock collar
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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