I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
