Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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