idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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