3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
