You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
