dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Come on in and take your pants off
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