Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
