Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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