You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
