i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
