Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
