If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
