Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
